Peak sunshine, peak mood?

It is the very beginning of summer, with the days as long as they will ever be. And I have spent time outside most every day recently, even if only to eat lunch in my car. Is that why my mood has been so good this past week? It really has been amazingly good. And my mood has always been influenced by the sun.

Or am I at a sweet spot with my meds? A place I don't want to be- still taking a half of a klonopin at night, as well as on the increased Zyprexa (7.5mg instead of 5mg). I still have my feeling of numbness and lack of initiation, and I like to blame my meds for this. But I wonder if I am blaming the wrong meds for this. I wonder if the bigger problem is the lithium. And of course there is the Effexor, I know that one is bad. But it is so good, too.

I don't want to have to choose: numb or depressed. But then I wonder if I need to feel numb in order not to feel depressed. That is a depressing thought.

I think, though, I will have to try going down on the Zyprexa again. Or maybe the lithium. I have cut two meds recently. I don't think I'm going to get off all meds- that is, not until we get to a post-apocalyptic-world with no psychiatrists and no drug companies. But I want to find that sweet spot where I am not depressed, not manic, don't feel numb, and have some initiative. As if such a place exists!

If that place does exist, I think that it involves less medication. And more sunshine.

The Game of Thrones, beekeeping edition

I have been helping my dad out with his beekeeping. Yesterday we were going to do some "requeening." Or in other words, kill the old queen and put in new queens. But most of his hives weren't doing so well- only one seemed to have an active laying queen- and she was laying very well, so she got spared. Instead we started "nukes" with new queens and brood (with attendant nurse bees). A couple of hives seemed to have swarmed. It isn't clear if there is a new queen that hasn't started laying yet- we couldn't find her, or if the queen is dead. When she goes out on her mating flight she could get eaten by a bird, etc., and never come home. So then the hive would have no queen.

We did find queen cells- ruptured- in two hives. That means a new queen has been hatched. In a Game of Thrones manner, the first queen to come out destroys all the remaining queen cells. So she has no competition.

Maybe I am just sentimental, but I am glad that we let the queen live. It was such as good hive, so much brood and so much honey. And the bees weren't mean, they were very gentle.

The hives differ in temperament. There is one hive that is a lot more defensive than the others. They really swarm around you, no matter how much smoke I give them. Of course I have my bee suit on, so I am pretty safe.

A discouraging day

I have think I am throwing my lot in with CCL- Citizen's Climate Lobby, on the grounds that they have the only concrete possible answer to global warming that I have seen. I still think we might be to late, but in case we are not, I have to do something.

So yesterday I went to man a table at a county fair event. First I learned, as if I didn't know, that I am very bad at approaching people. And secondly I discovered how ignorant people are about climate change.  People don't know- I don't think that people want to know- because then maybe they will have to do something. And because scientific literacy is pretty low, even in this affluent area.

I think that is the appeal of thinking that it is too late- then I wouldn't have to do anything. I wouldn't have to give up my car. I wouldn't have to try to do things I am really bad at like getting people to sign petitions and lobbying politicians. I don't think I can convince people climate change is an emergency- for the most part I can't even convince my family. And I am not a scientist or engineer who is going to make some amazing discovery for new energy sources or better battery technology.

A couple of years ago I was worried about peak oil, I thought that would bring down civilization as we know it (a bad thing), but I also thought it would happen in time to prevent the worst effects of climate change (a good thing), so I wasn't so worried about climate change. But now it seems that nature is not that kind, and that we have sufficient fossil fuel reserves to cause severe heating, and perhaps human extinction.

A couple of weeks ago I went to a protest in Washington DC. I was talking to a guy there and said, "The question is not are we right, but are we too late?" And he said, "Of course we too late. I am just here so I don't go postal." And I think that is kind of what I am doing too.