It all comes down to oil of course

I'm such a geek, I was watching CSPAN book TV. I cannot remember the speaker, but he wasn't too worried about climate change. In fact, he said that the proponents of climate change were a bigger threat to our society than climate change is. Because they want to take our fossil fuels away, and our society is totally dependent upon fossil fuels. Take them away and we have no society as we know it.

That is quite an admission of the vulnerability of our society. If climate change doesn't get us, peak oil will. That is not news to me, but it is interesting to hear it coming from someone else- I don't know if he realizes what he is saying. Yes, if climate change is a mistake or a hoax or whatever, we may get a few more years or decades- but the party is still going to come to an end. And there is no reason to think that we will be better prepared for it then than if it happens sooner. Our fossil fuel use keeps going up and up. We are not making the gains in alternative energy that we need to be, or researching non-fossil fuel options that we need to be. Society is doomed. You heard it from a right winger.

That is the problem with TV. You can't talk back to the speaker, or ask a question. Another speaker was bemoaning the recent fascination of the younger generation and the Democrats with socialisms and saying how it will be the end of society as we know it. I wanted to ask if he thought that we are now attracted to socialism because technology and globalism has diminished the demand for and economic clout of American labor, concentrated wealth, and therefor, while one people could strike to improve their lot, now the only avenue left they have is political.

Alas, no one to say this too. TV is a one-way street.

Peak sunshine, peak mood?

It is the very beginning of summer, with the days as long as they will ever be. And I have spent time outside most every day recently, even if only to eat lunch in my car. Is that why my mood has been so good this past week? It really has been amazingly good. And my mood has always been influenced by the sun.

Or am I at a sweet spot with my meds? A place I don't want to be- still taking a half of a klonopin at night, as well as on the increased Zyprexa (7.5mg instead of 5mg). I still have my feeling of numbness and lack of initiation, and I like to blame my meds for this. But I wonder if I am blaming the wrong meds for this. I wonder if the bigger problem is the lithium. And of course there is the Effexor, I know that one is bad. But it is so good, too.

I don't want to have to choose: numb or depressed. But then I wonder if I need to feel numb in order not to feel depressed. That is a depressing thought.

I think, though, I will have to try going down on the Zyprexa again. Or maybe the lithium. I have cut two meds recently. I don't think I'm going to get off all meds- that is, not until we get to a post-apocalyptic-world with no psychiatrists and no drug companies. But I want to find that sweet spot where I am not depressed, not manic, don't feel numb, and have some initiative. As if such a place exists!

If that place does exist, I think that it involves less medication. And more sunshine.

The Game of Thrones, beekeeping edition

I have been helping my dad out with his beekeeping. Yesterday we were going to do some "requeening." Or in other words, kill the old queen and put in new queens. But most of his hives weren't doing so well- only one seemed to have an active laying queen- and she was laying very well, so she got spared. Instead we started "nukes" with new queens and brood (with attendant nurse bees). A couple of hives seemed to have swarmed. It isn't clear if there is a new queen that hasn't started laying yet- we couldn't find her, or if the queen is dead. When she goes out on her mating flight she could get eaten by a bird, etc., and never come home. So then the hive would have no queen.

We did find queen cells- ruptured- in two hives. That means a new queen has been hatched. In a Game of Thrones manner, the first queen to come out destroys all the remaining queen cells. So she has no competition.

Maybe I am just sentimental, but I am glad that we let the queen live. It was such as good hive, so much brood and so much honey. And the bees weren't mean, they were very gentle.

The hives differ in temperament. There is one hive that is a lot more defensive than the others. They really swarm around you, no matter how much smoke I give them. Of course I have my bee suit on, so I am pretty safe.

A discouraging day

I have think I am throwing my lot in with CCL- Citizen's Climate Lobby, on the grounds that they have the only concrete possible answer to global warming that I have seen. I still think we might be to late, but in case we are not, I have to do something.

So yesterday I went to man a table at a county fair event. First I learned, as if I didn't know, that I am very bad at approaching people. And secondly I discovered how ignorant people are about climate change.  People don't know- I don't think that people want to know- because then maybe they will have to do something. And because scientific literacy is pretty low, even in this affluent area.

I think that is the appeal of thinking that it is too late- then I wouldn't have to do anything. I wouldn't have to give up my car. I wouldn't have to try to do things I am really bad at like getting people to sign petitions and lobbying politicians. I don't think I can convince people climate change is an emergency- for the most part I can't even convince my family. And I am not a scientist or engineer who is going to make some amazing discovery for new energy sources or better battery technology.

A couple of years ago I was worried about peak oil, I thought that would bring down civilization as we know it (a bad thing), but I also thought it would happen in time to prevent the worst effects of climate change (a good thing), so I wasn't so worried about climate change. But now it seems that nature is not that kind, and that we have sufficient fossil fuel reserves to cause severe heating, and perhaps human extinction.

A couple of weeks ago I went to a protest in Washington DC. I was talking to a guy there and said, "The question is not are we right, but are we too late?" And he said, "Of course we too late. I am just here so I don't go postal." And I think that is kind of what I am doing too.

What does Chris Hedges want me to do?

Whenever I hear Chris Hedges speak (and I just watched a youtube video), I feel inspired to do- something. I just don't know what. His message is to rebel (non-violently) against the system, bring down the corporate state. That working within the system will be too slow and ineffective to stop climate change before it brings about human extinction. And I tend to agree- but now what?

I don't think Chris Hedges knows. I think he is like John the Baptist, preaching to make way for the real revolutionary, Jesus, to come after him. A real revolutionary needs a vision. I don't get one from Chris Hedges, and I certainly don't have one of my own. So I am waiting for the real revolutionary.

The religious revolutionaries have an advantage- all that symbolism and imagery to work with and usually a good apocalyptic story as well. Arctic methane levels don't work quite as well. All the same, I am surprised we haven't seen eco-terrorism. Not that I think it would work- because you would have to shut down carbon emissions across the entire globe- but still, people have died and killed for lesser things than the fate of all of humanity.

I think that this year was a turning point for the climate. The great barrier reef, the melting Greenland ice sheets, the increasing methane levels, the plunging Arctic sea ice level, and the hottest year on record. If you don't get it now, you are either not interested or don't want to get it.

My mom passed away last month, and it occurs to me that she will never see the climate change that she never took very seriously, that she always thought we would solve. When I am at work or around people, I really don't think about her much. But when I am alone, I do. I remember her last few days. They were really intense.

I remember I never got her the egg salad sandwich she wanted. But by then she wasn't swallowing that well anyway. At least that is what I tell myself so I don't feel too bad about it. The hospital cafeteria didn't have egg salad, and somehow once we got her home it didn't happen.

Beating climate change

I went to a meeting of the closest chapter of Citizen's Climate Lobby. They are a one purpose organization, with the goal of getting legislation passed to put a fee (not a tax) on carbon and then to rebate that fee to each citizen at the end of the year. Every year the size of the fee will increase, predictably.

I think it is a good goal, and they are the only people who seem to be doing anything in an organized manner. I felt pretty stupid when I went in and didn't know my legislative district. The brain power in the room was quite considerable- from the political people to the retired scientists. And yet...

The organization is neutral on so many things. Geoengineering. Nuclear power. One person didn't understand why this might hurt the economy when we would be putting back just as much money into the economy as we are taking out.

Because our economy is based upon cheap energy, and renewables do not scale up easily, and nuclear would have a long lag time to build more reactors. There is more to our economy than money.

They also didn't understand why this wouldn't be seen as income distribution by some people. People who use more energy- typically rich people- will pay more. But the dividend will be equal for everyone. Which can be explained by the fact that we all equally suffer from the increasing levels of C02, while those who contribute more to it should pay more. There is an economic principle about internalizing externalities. But you know some people- probably someone rich- will complain that this is income redistribution.

I think it is a good goal, and one of the more libertarian approaches to climate change. People and businesses get to decide how they will react to the increasing price of carbon based fuel. It will likely involve increased energy efficiencies, changes in lifestyle, shifting energy sources, and hopefully finding new energy sources.

I just don't think we have as much time as most Americans think that we do. Which makes me think of my mom- she thinks she has a lot more time than she does. Maybe that is human nature for most people. Maybe my history of depression makes me a bit of a Cassandra.

I think we are ultimately going to have to go to geoengineering of some sort. But we are not there yet.

The waiting game

My mom has pancreatic cancer. When my phone rings while I am at work- and no one I know would normally call my during the day- I momentarily panic. It is usually just a robo caller for some political caller or someone looking to fill an occupational therapy position. But for a moment I imagine that my mom is in the hospital, has deteriorated. I don't usually think she has died- I think don't think she is that bad yet, I think she has more downhill to go. Although a number of people with pancreatic cancer do die from blood clots- but she is on coumadin for A fib, so I think she will be okay with that.

Today I called her and she was having more pain, despite the increase in pain meds. It is really hard to talk to her on the phone because her hearing isn't that good- and on cell phones it is really bad. I only have a cell phone. I wanted to tell her about two of my patients. One who was an interesting mystery now solved, and one who is an inspiration. But she had so much trouble hearing that I don't think it was the enjoyable distraction that I had hoped it would be.

If I were a better daughter- and had more cash reserves- I would be there. It is hard to be so far away when this is happening. And yet, given the dynamics of her family, it is really hard to be there as well. But I am not willing to quit my job and move, and not in the financial position to do so either.  I have 12 months of family leave that I can take- mostly unpaid. I have 1 month of savings in the bank, thanks to expensive dental surgery that I have had this year. When I get my tax returns I should have another month's worth.

The problem with having 12 months leave and no more is knowing when to take it. But I also have some vacation time- and I am going to go next month.

My mom and my aunt think that this is beatable, that the right alternative doctor, and maybe cannabis oil (now legal in their state), can cure this. If they are right I will write a book! But I don't think so.

The best science fiction I have read in a long time

I am reading "Leviathan Wakes" by James Corey and it is really good- it reminds me why I started reading science fiction as a kid- it makes me think that things are possible. In his world we don't have the stars, but we have the solar system- which my mature self thinks is a lot more probable, but still very optimistic.

I grew up reading science fiction. I loved it. And then I learned about relativity- and I didn't love it so much anymore. If there are other civilizations out there it doesn't really matter, we will never meet them. The distances are too vast and no hyperdrives are going to beat the speed of light.

Even my concern with peak oil and global warming has dampened my enthusiasm for exploration of our solar system. There is too much going on at home and we don't have the resources. NASA's mission should be defending us from comets and asteroids I have told people. And now preventing the Kessler syndrome- a cascading effect of colliding space debri in earth orbit that could wipe out most of our satellites.

But man cannot live on bread alone- or on reality alone in my case. I need my sci fi, I need my version of the future in which we survive the next couple hundred years and make it off of the planet. We make to to Mars and beyond.

If we are going to make it past the next couple of hundred years, we will have to find another source of energy- because we will run out of fossil fuels and because of what they are doing to the planet. Maybe it will be thorium reactors. Maybe it will be fusion. Renewables will not get us there alone. And if we do find new energy- who knows what is possible?

I'd like to be optimistic. I tend not to be.